 |
| Storytelling at a retreat center in Juneau, Alaksa. Using a strainer in the absence of a drum |
"But there is a bridge, which very few people have understood. And that is the work of listening to another human being." ~ Jacob Needleman
It was on a retreat in Juneau, Alaska when I first practiced listening.
I was a 24-year-old, full-time volunteer. Our retreat director -- a sociology professor from Seattle -- began our first session with a listening exercise. We were to listen to a partner speak for 2 minutes, repeating in our minds word-for-word what he said, then summarize it back to him in minute detail.
I quickly realized that listening is difficult. It's hard to still your mind long enough to focus on someone else's words. Harder still to catch the subtleties in how someone else feels. Much easier to listen halfheartedly -- if at all.
Athletes are attracted to coaches who listen to them. More than winning, improving, or succeeding, they want to be understood. We all do.
North Carolina's Anson Dorrance, who we've heard from about happiness, goal-setting, warm-ups, and team chemistry, also has wisdom on listening in his biography, The Man Watching:
Dorrance also keeps coaching because he knows he hasn't completely figured out the strange creatures [women] just yet . In 2002 he received a phone call from Anne Remy, who was distraught over not being selected in the WUSA draft that day. Sensing Remy's disappointment, Dorrance interrupted her and promised to phone every league general manager to get her a tryout. Remy grew even more upset and said, "I thought you were supposed to be an expert on women?" Then Remy hung up on him. Dorrance sat in stunned silence for a few seconds before it dawned on him. "I think she just wanted me to listen to her vent," he said. "I am such an idiot."